As a certified sex educator and co-owner of an upscale adult toy store, Amy is passionate about providing honest, accurate information to help people enhance their sexual pleasure and well-being. Ask her anything related to sexuality, and your question may be answered and posted as one of the questions of the week. To learn more about Amy, click here.

 

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Low-Libido and Anti-Depressants

by Amy on January 27, 2010

in Ask Amy

Kiki asks:

Dear Amy,
This is something of a multi-faceted question, but I’m getting a little desperate and don’t know who else to talk to about this…
My fiance (37) and I (33) just celebrated two years together, and are planning to marry next month. For the first year our sex life was FANTASTIC: we were having sex daily; often multiple times per day with intense, multiple orgasams for me and perfection for him. Our sexual relationship really played a large part in our love for each other: we felt/feel very connected in all aspects–physical, mental, spiritual. We were easily able to communicate our sexual preferences, fantasies, likes and dislikes. One conversation we had, post-sex, propped up on pillows with our legs entwined and facing each other, was the most honest sexual communication I’ve ever experinced and he felt the same. This honesty and knowledge that, with him, I am Safe with my feelings and sexuality was an intense factor in my falling, and remaining, in love with him. He is an amazing, honest, kind, fully generous man and I am lucky to have him as my friend, lover, life partner, and trite as it is, soul mate.

So what’s the problem?

As with many couples, the sex tapered off considerably. The frequency of our sex has also been hampered by his needing to take an anti-depressant (effexor). The medication dramatically decreases his libido, which is extremely frustrating to me. I could have sex several times a day, and would be happy with a few times a week. We have sex an average of once a week, but sometimes several weeks go by without sexual activity. We’ll often have a burst of activity, then nothing for awhile. When we do have sex, it is HOT HOT HOT which makes it almost more frustrating when we go through a “dry spell.”

So I guess my question is this: what should I do to increase the amount of sex we are having? He has tried taking Viagra, but it caused horrible migrane headaches and it is not worth it (to me) for him to suffer. I am currently masturbating A LOT but it is certainly not the same– I miss the closeness of our intimacy. That is what worries me the most– losing that closeness. I have talked about my concerns, and he is always open to listening and making an effort. But when it comes down to it I feel a little guilty initiating sex because I don’t want to force him into something that he is not up for. I don’t want him to go through the motions to keep me happy; I really want to find a way to get somewhere close to where we were before. I don’t expect daily sex, but I’m in my sexual prime and need more than what we are currently having.
I don’t want to be confined to a life of cuddling and hugging to get that intimacy–I want to rekindle the insanely hot action that we used to enjoy so frequently. Also, this is nowhere near a “dealbreaker” for me– I love this man and would joyfully marry him if his penis fell off tomorrow.

Do you have any suggestions for me? I am willing to try anything! Thanks you for your time and consideration Amy!
Sincerely,
Kiki
(Also, when he is aroused, he doesn’t have trouble getting, or staying, hard. He is very well- endowed and knows how to use it. Please help me find what I’ve lost.

[Read Amy's Answer…]

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Threesome How-To’s

by Amy on January 20, 2010

in Ask Amy

JJ123 asks:

In my late thirties and have a great opportunity for a two girl threesome. The women live in another state, met one in Tahoe and the other one is a complete stranger.Both are in their fourties and very attractive. What are the dos and donts? I am meeting them in a week and can’t sit still!

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Anal Sex and the G-Spot

by Amy on January 13, 2010

in Ask Amy

analanne asks:

Is it possible to have a different kind of orgasm during anal? I experience intense orgasms that cause my body to seize up, and then I start gushing. Liquid drips out of my vagina, but only during anal. (With clitoral stimulation simultaneously). Can you tell me a bit about what’s going on? Can a woman’s gspot be stimulated thru anal? I thought this type of orgasm is only achievable with vaginal/g-spot stimulation.

Thanks.

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Blowjobs Tips and Techniques

by Amy on January 6, 2010

in Ask Amy

one love asks:

I’ve met my “soul-mate.” I’m 56 and have been a relatively lazy lover my entire life. I’ve had many sexual partners over the years and never had to make any real effort. I’d just jump in and play. My new man, also in his 50s is very sexual and motivated but I can tell by our first encounter, that intercourse is going to take a little effort. Although he is highly motivated, his penis is not a solid rod. It seems a bit mushy and won’t enter easily.

How can I learn some fun oral play for him that might “stiffen things up a bit?” It doesn’t have to be oral, as I am open to your expertise. Remember, I’ve never explored this area much.

[Read Amy's Answer…]

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