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I've met my "soul-mate." I'm 56 and have been a relatively lazy lover my entire life. I've had many sexual partners over the years and never had to make any real effort. I'd just jump in and play. My new man, also in his 50s is very sexual and motivated but I can tell by our first encounter, that intercourse is going to take a little effort. Although he is highly motivated, his penis is not a solid rod. It seems a bit mushy and won't enter easily.
How can I learn some fun oral play for him that might "stiffen things up a bit?" It doesn't have to be oral, as I am open to your expertise. Remember, I've never explored this area much.
It sounds like you are ready to transform yourself into what Annie Sprinkle would call a sex goddess. By taking charge and putting lots of effort and enthusiasm into your bedroom play, you are opening the doors for all kinds of new and fun experiences for you and your partner.
Before I go into the physical aspects of “stiffening things up”, I want to convey the importance of the communication involved in any sexual encounter. Along with your common everyday foreplay (kissing, touching, etc), you may want to start by showing how excited you are to be playing with your partner. By communicating your excitement to your partner, you are bound to stir up some mutual excitement within him as well. You can do this by verbally telling him how thrilled you are to be playing with him, and you can also use your body language to heighten his excitement. Eye contact can be extremely sexy in everything that you do. Try to make eye contact with him while you kiss all over his entire body. Look him in the eyes with a smile on your face to convey how much you enjoy touching his body. Show as much enthusiasm as possible during your foreplay sessions.
After you have dazzled him with your own excitement to be with him, you can move on to the actual physical aspect of his arousing his member. A key thing here is that you do not want to lose that enthusiasm you started with in the beginning. Keep making eye contact and various sexy gestures with your body to show him your desire for him. When it comes time to actually put your hands on his member, play with the art o the tease to get him even more hot and bothered. Lightly touch and tickle the head of his penis (this is where the most nerve endings are) before you dive into a full-fledged grip. Maybe even tickle his balls or the area behind them (called the perineum) if he is comfortable with it.
When you move on to actually stoke his penis, play with different types of grips. Start with a light, slower grip/movement and then work your way up to a harder/faster movement. Ask him what feels good, what he likes, and what he wants more or less of. You can even ask him to show you by putting his hand over yours while you are jacking him off. There is no one-right-way to pleasure an individual, so ask him for some direction.
When you move on to oral play, again, incorporate the enthusiasm (eye contact during blowjobs can be incredibly sexy) and the teasing. Tickle your hair or lightly kiss along the shaft, or maybe even the balls if you are both comfortable with it. When you are ready to move on using your mouth, start by licking around the head of the penis with the tip of your tongue. Just like with the hand jobs, start with light pressure licking, adding more and more pressure over time. Again, ask him what feels good and what he wants more or less of.
Chances are he will be going crazy by this point, and will want you to take his cock into your mouth with more pressure. Play with the different levels of suction your mouth provides as well as the speed and movements your make. Start slow and light and work your way up to a more rapid, intense pressure. Try basic up and down sucking movements as well as concentrated sucking and licking on/around the head of the penis. Incorporate some licking while you have his cock in your mouth at the same time. Look him in the eyes whenever you can, and don’t be afraid to make noises while you are pleasuring him such as moaning and over-exaggerating the sounds of your sucking. As I said before, keep that enthusiasm going as much as possible.
There are about a million different techniques different people use when pleasuring a man orally. Your best bet in terms of giving him exactly what he wants/needs to get that hard cock you are looking for is for you to ask him what he likes. While I could spend hours and hours describing the various blowjob techniques I have read about and/or tried, I am going to refer you to a much more prominent sex educator’s instruction DVD titled “Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Oral Sex, Part 2: Fellatio”. And if you live in the Santa Cruz area, look out for when Midori offers her “Joystick Secrets” class again at our shop sometime in the near future.
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