I'm teaching my Orgasmic Bliss: Female Pleasure 101 class in Chicago at Taboo Tabou on Tuesday, April 19th, and I answered the following female orgasm-related questions for a promotional interview. Thought you might enjoy, so here's a little sneak peak:
1. Why is the female orgasm so complicated for our society?
We live in a culture where pleasure is not taught or openly talked about - especially when it comes to teenagers. Teens find out about sex from trial and error, and/or from what they hear from the media or their peers. Very rarely do we hear female sexuality praised in media. Also, women are often deemed as too little or too much of something. Too sexual (slut shamming), too frigid, too hysterical (too emotional), etc. This makes it challenging for women to feel worthy in asking for what they want (out of fear of been deemed "too much" of something). Statistically speaking, young girls are more likely to give (oral) pleasure than to receive. This is because there is not enough conversation around pleasure as their birthright - an equal birthright to that of their male counterpart. Classes such as my Orgasmic Bliss: Female Pleasure 101 assist in filling in the missing information that young people should have been taught all along. ALL people are entitled to pleasure, bliss, and delicious orgasms.
2. What are some communication tips you can suggest for women who struggle talking about their orgasmic needs to their partners?
I suggest talking about sex-related issues outside of the bedroom. That is, at a time when both parties are in good spirits and are not feeling vulnerable. Using "I" statements alongside positive reinforcement is always beneficial. Recall something that your partner once did, and give it praise. "I really loved it when you rubbed my ____ last night. You went so soft and slow, and I couldn't get enough of it". This will increase the chances of your your partner doing this for you again, and will leave them feeling praised as opposed to shamed.
3. What are some of your favorite toys to use when trying to explore different orgasms for women?
I always suggest adding lube to just about EVERYTHING (specifically Uberlube, as long as the toy is not silicone). Mucus membranes (vulvas and penises) love moisture. So adding lube to toys, fingers and other body parts will make the experience feel much more enjoyable. Curved vibrators, such as the Gigi by Lelo, or the Amorino by Fun Factory, are great for g-spot stimulation. The g-spot likes pressure as opposed to vibrations, but the vibrations will feel nice on the labia and clitoris (lots of nerve endings!). I also love the Womanizer Pro, which suctions and vibrates. It almost feels like a mouth is lightly (practically perfectly) sucking on the clitoris. Couples seem to love this toy as it doesn't resemble a phallus and can easily be used together.
4. Lubes- why are they so special and what are some of your favorite lubes?
I answered part of this in #3, and I can't stress enough - USE LUBE! Dry anything on a mucus membrane typically does not feel that great. Uberlube is my all time favorite as it is silky, almost powdery, never gets sticky or dry, doesn't throw the pH balance out of whack, and it actually moisturizes the skin. It also does not taste or smell like anything, so it's great for vaginal, anal, oral, etc (I also use it as a moisturizer for my entire body!). The only downfall is you cannot use it with silicone toys. So in terms of a good water-based lubricant (silicone toy compatible), I really like hybrids such as Sliquid Silk. Sliquid Oceanics has a nice feel as well. Again, lube is your friend! A must have for every nightstand drawer :)