Old dog - new tricks! asks:
I am in my mid-fifties and just starting to date again after quite awhile. I have always liked sex and have had great experiences, but never a vaginal organism. The only time I can reach an orgasm is when my clitoris is stimulated but not actually during penetration. I think it might be too far away from my vagina or something. Now that I'm dating again I'd like to figure out if there is anyway I might be able to reach an orgasm with a partner actually inside me. I always feel uncomfortable telling a man that although I enjoy him inside me - that isn't exactly what gets the train out of the station. Any advise?
Dear Old Dog (new tricks!)-
Most women experience the majority of their orgasms via clitoral stimulation. Not only does the clit have an estimated 8000 nerve endings, it is also one of the only body parts designed solely for female pleasure. If you are one of the many (many, many) women who primarily experiences orgasm from clitoral stimulation, then perhaps this is something you want to pursue with your partner.
The reason why you are finding it difficult to orgasm during intercourse may be because the clit if often completely overlooked during actual penetrative sex. This is why I recommend incorporating some manual stimulation while playing with your partner. If you feel comfortable doing so, ask your partner to touch your clit during sex. You can also touch yourself or incorporate a small clit vibe such as the Breeze 5” Bullet or the Laya Spot vibe. These toys are great because they are small and discreet, so no matter what position you are in, they rarely get in the way.
Keep in mind that some women find it extremely difficult to have an orgasm while they are being penetrated. If this is something you are experiencing, try taking an “orgasm break” during sex. Stop all penetrative activity and focus on clitoral stimulation for a while until you are able to reach orgasm. It is a myth that most women obtain orgasm via vaginal sex, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with ‘getting off’ on clitoral stimulation alone.
If you are determined to experience a vaginal orgasm, I recommend checking out the book, “The Multi-Orgasmic Woman” by Mantak Chia and Rachel Abrams. This is an excellent book for women of all orgasmic backgrounds, and it gives a number of tips and tricks for ways to enhance your orgasmic abilities. I am also a fan of “The Orgasm Loop” by Susan Crain Bakos, because it comments on both mental and physical techniques in a simple, step-by-step manner.
Lastly, check out my previous post on vaginal vs. clitoral orgasm.