When to Call After a Hookup

Posted by Amy Baldwin on

Justy asks:

I had a really great casual hookup the other day and sort of want more. However, I don't want to seem like I'm needy. What's an appropriate length of time to let pass before contacting a hookup for more?

Dear Justy:

3 days. Or two weeks if you're looking for something serious. Just kidding:) All joking aside, it's almost as if we have to follow certain rules when it comes to casual dating. Welcome to the dating game, where if you don't follow the rules, you may be disqualified, and if you don't play strategically, you just might lose (or at least so it feels).

Everyone will have their own opinion in terms of how to play the game. Some people are all for playing "hard-to-get", and these people would probably tell you to wait a while before calling your hookup for more playtime. Others are perhaps tired of the game, and would say that if you know what you want, then just go for it (enter anti-dating game motto "what do you have to lose?" here).

First off, do you just want to hook-up with this person a few more times, or are you interested in a non-committed friends-with-benefits hookup situation? Or perhaps you think you may be  interested in this person as more than just a play friend (i.e. a relationship). If you are looking for more of a casual connection to this person, maybe consider going with the anti-dating game motto of "what do you have to lose?". In this perspective, because you're not looking for anything serious, it really doesn't matter how they respond to how soon you call them. You were never really attached to this person in the first place, so if it doesn't work out, so be it. And if you're still worried they might perceive your call as 'needy', why not try being straightforward by vocalizing that all you're really looking for is another casual play date?

Now if you are looking for something a little more serious, or if the thought of losing this person as a play friend sounds downright devastating, you may want to play the game more strategically. I don't believe there is a universal rule for when to call a hookup for more, but unless this person is already falling for you, a same day phone call might seem a little overwhelming. Perhaps wait a few days, and casually let them know that you had a great time and would love to do it again sooner than later.  Also, keep in mind that the words you say to this person will probably have more of an affect rather than the amount of time you've waited to call them. Lastly, I strongly recommend doing this over an actual phone call instead of via text message to avoid  confusion and mixed messages.

Hope this helps!


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