Female Ejaculation 101

Posted by Amy Baldwin on

Wondering  asks:

Thank you for your previous response. Next question.

Do you believe it's possible for all women to squirt? I love more than anything to make my girlfriend cum and I have to say while she does enjoy our sex life and does cum she is very quiet about it during intercourse. I think the biggest turn on is knowing when your partner has an orgasm and as much as I tell her this she is very resistant to announcing it during sex. I was thinking that by learning techniques to make her orgasms more obvious such as by squirting it would solve this problem.

Thanks for all your help.

Dear Wondering:

First thing's first...two very important things to keep in mind: A. just because a woman has an orgasm does not necessarily mean she will ejaculate, and B. female ejaculation can occur separately from orgasm.

With that said, most women have the ability to ejaculate, but many don't actually know how. And teaching oneself to female ejaculate is not as easy as reading a sex guide or trying a new move. It often take pressure/massage of the g-spot combined with strong PC muscles (AKA the pubococcygeus/vaginal wall muscles), COMPLETE relaxation, a readiness to just "let go", breath work, a feeling of openness,  and/or an acceptance for whatever happens. As you can see, it's mostly about overcoming those mental barriers, making for a challenging (yet rewarding) learning curve.

I suggest having a nice, long discussion with your partner before jumping into FeJac land. Let her know you find it super sexy, but avoid putting pressure on her to perform accordingly. If it happens, hurray! If not, you'll still have a fantastic time. Also discuss the pee factor. This is important because just like male ejaculate, female ejaculate comes out of the urethra. Also, that pressure on the g-spot can feel similar to - or occasionally be - the urge to urinate. If you're okay with it, let her know that if the attempt to ejaculate turns into an urination (which probably won't happen, but you can never be too sure), then it's no sweat off your back. Basically, do everything you can to put her at ease while simultaneously avoiding the pressure factor.

After your initial FeJac discussion, it's time to explore g-spot land! Keep in mind that the g-spot responds to firm pressure as opposed to light tickling/vibrations. For more info on the g-spot, see my previous blog post. Also, check out the book Female Ejaculation and the G-spot or the DVD Female Ejaculation for Couples by Deborah Sundahl.

P.S. A note on squirting...unless your lady has EXTREMELY strong PC muscles, most FeJac comes out as more of a gush rather than a squirt.


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