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All the Things You Wish Your Partner Did, but...

Posted by Amy Baldwin on

A little bird recently informed me that she overheard a few of my customers/fans say my posts are often all the things you wish your partner did (but are too afraid to ask for). This reminded me of an email I got from a customer after attending my Blowjob 101 class last November. He said he came away from the class with 3 things he would love for his wife to incorporate into her oral sex repertoire (eye contact, variety, and asking questions/feedback), but wanted "a diplomatic way of bringing these up without her getting defensive, upset, etc". And because this seems to be a common experience for many people, I'd like to share my response with you:

"The best way to talk about any problems concerning your sex life with your partner is to do so OUTSIDE of the bedroom (to avoid the vulnerability=> defensive factor). And if  you want to bring up these 3 things, I would do so gradually over time. Perhaps one  morning after you two have already had your playtime the night/morning before,  start up a conversation over bacon and eggs (or whatever it is you're into) by saying something like, 'Last night was amazing.  I really loved when you did (enter some sort of praise here). And you know what would really blow my mind, is if you (example of desired action= looked me in the eyes) while you were doing it'.

3 simple sentences using "I" statements can go a looooongggg way ;)


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1 comment


  • “The best way to talk about any problems concerning your sex life with your partner is to do so OUTSIDE of the bedroom…”

    This is unimaginably important. It can not be emphasized enough how important it is.

    My preferred way to bring up sex topics is while on a walk. (Fortunately, we have a zillion lovely places to walk around here.) Walks let people avoid direct eye contact so they can react honestly inside, without having to worry about their initial feelings showing outside. People speak more slowly on a leisurely walk, so walks also allow people to take more time thinking before responding than face to face conversation.

    And the point of ‘I’ statements is to make the conversation about you and not about them. So avoid, “I’d really like it if you…”. “I really like it when…” works just as well at getting the point across, but leaves out the easy route to confrontation that ‘you’ provides. Have the whole conversation without ever saying ‘you’, or ‘your’, the whole thing will go smoothly.

    P.S. Buy pressing the ‘Submit’ button I am not agreeing to submit to Amy or anyone else at Pure Pleasure. :^) I’m a top. :^P

    Michael A. Moran, PhD. on

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