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He can't get it up again...is it my fault?

Posted by Amy Baldwin on

Wondering Mind Asks:

I have a question about my boyfriend.  We've been dating for about a year and a half now.  We've been intimate but its only one time a day and thats all.  haha, somedays I just want more or all day sex and I ask why only once, he says its because he can't get it up again, which makes me feel like its my fault.  Is it? I also asked about taking a pill and he says he doesn't want to because he doesn't want a hard on all day.. Please help me:((

Dear Wondering Mind:

Can I just say, I admire your sex drive (and am a little envious as well) :)

One thing to remember is your sex drive is unique to you, and your partner may not crave sex at the same rate as you do. And this probably does not have anything to do with you. Hormones, blood flow/circulation, age, health, and genetics are all factors that affect sex drive and sexual performance, and are often out of your control.

In your boyfriend's case (and like most men) he is experiencing a refractory period after ejaculation in which he is temporarily unable to get an erection again. Every man's refractory period is different; some can get a second wind within a few minutes, while others will need many hours. Think of it as a little siesta for the cock, where it requires some downtime to muster up the energy for the next big performance. As is the case for most men, there is very little you can do to change his ability to get hard again until the cock has had its siesta.

With that said, there are plenty of other sexy things you can do that don't involve a hard cock. With the right technique and openness for experimentation, soft-cocks can provide some fun playtime as well. Or what about mouths and hands? Just because you can't play with a hard cock doesn't mean you can't play at all.

If mouths and hands won't cut it, or you just really love the feeling of something hard and phallic inside of you, consider dildos as your new best friend. They come in all sorts of shapes, sizes, and materials - even super-soft ones in flesh tones for more of a "real" feel! And because dildos don't experience refractory periods, they are ready to play anytime your heart desires ;)

Want the perks of an ever-hard dildo combined with the physical contact of your partner? Consider the Deuce Male Harness by Spareparts. The Deuce has 2 holes - one on top for a dildo, and one underneath for the homegrown cock - and can be worn by your man so he can be hard whenever he wants. It allows for hands-free sexy fun, and also works for double penetration!

For more information on all things erect, check out "The Hardness Factor". Hope this helps!

 


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1 comment


  • I think the question deserves a more direct answer. No. It is not your or his ‘fault’. It’s not anyone’s ‘fault’. There’s no blame to assign, so don’t go getting down on yourself. As Amy explained it’s a combination of the way you two are wired.

    Suggestion: if you are going to play, try playing before he comes when he is most horny. The two of you might conspire together to see how long you can have sexy fun together without him getting off. You can most likely come up a storm so go for it. Delaying orgasm for him will pay off with the best orgasm he’s ever had.

    Michael A. Moran on

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