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Lollie Answers: Trouble With Orgasm During Vaginal Sex

Posted by Lollie Pure Pleasure on

Kaia Asks:

As it stands, I don't get any pleasure from vaginal insertion. During sex, I have to really grind hard on my clitoris in order to feel any real amount of pleasure. This is really discouraging to my boyfriend! Also, When I do stimulate my clitoris, it has got to be really, really rough. If it's not really hard grinding, it isn't gonna happen. BUT, when It is "working out" it literally takes 10 seconds, sometimes 30 at the most.

It's so frustrating! Is there any advice you could give me?

Dear Kaia:

My main piece of advice for you is this: don’t stress about it! Your situation is a lot more common than you think. Most women do not orgasm from internal stimulation alone, and require clitoral stimulation to really get off. Every woman is different as far as clit sensitivity goes, and yours may just happen to require a little extra stimulation.

That said, I would recommend trying a vibrator during sex. Because you like hard grinding, I would recommend a stronger vibrator such as the Mystic Wand (or Mystic Mini for a smaller option). Vibrators like this one have a more thuddy vibration which you may enjoy. With this one in particular, you can gradually build up the speed and power so that you don’t cum in 10-30 seconds. Try using a lower speed, then turning it up as you both get closer to orgasm. Using a vibrator during sex can help with pleasurable stimulation throughout. They’re also fun to use on your own. ;)
Another thing you can try is positioning. You and your partner can explore different positions that offer more grinding on your clit. Try cowgirl, where he lies on his back and you sit on top, facing him. Lean forward in this position, allowing you to grind on him with more ease, and use your own body weight as the pressure. You can vary the speed and strength of the stimulation according to what you want. If you feel like you're cumming too fast, either slow the grinding but keep the same strength, or lessen the strength and keep up the pace. Explore different combinations that still feel good without bringing you to orgasm as fast.

The more you see your situation as a problem, the harder it is to address. Remember that this is actually very common, and kudos to you for knowing what gets you off! Instead of feeling frustrated, try viewing it as an opportunity to explore different sensations with your partner. Toys and positions may help, but what’s really going to change your situation is your mindset. Good luck and may your orgasms abound!

About Lollie: Lollie is a Pure Pleasure employee and educator, kink advocate, and a redhead with a personality to match


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