Lollie Answers: How to Be More Dominant in the Bedroom

October 23, 2012 2 min read

Louise Asks:

My boyfriend and I like using handcuffs. He's amazing at being dominant, I on the other hand am not. I get lost for ideas. I cuff him to the bed and give him head but what else can I do to restrain him and take more control? Thanks

Dear Louise:

There are all sorts of ways to experiment with power play. With that said, it really depends on what you are both into. As far as restraining goes, you can try different rope ties. Rope offers all sorts of fun, and it can be tailored to pretty much whatever you can imagine. Check out the Complete Shibari series for an easy-to-understand guide on rope work. We also have an upcoming class on beginning rope dominance called Fusion Rope Bondage. I would definitely recommend checking it out if you think you and your partner would enjoy rope play. You can also try using more restraints, such as ankle cuffs. Check out the Under the Bed Restraint System, which can easily be stored under any sized bed, and your guests (including your partner) will have no idea they are even there until you pull them out for playtime!

Beyond physical restraints there are always mental restraints. You can toy with your position of power by sternly telling him that if he moves or makes a sound, there will be some sort of punishment. For example, set a glass of water on his stomach and tell him that if it falls over, you will put nipple clamps on him (or whatever punishment you both consent to). Or, while giving him head, you can tease him until he can't take it anymore. Start with light touches until he literally begs you to put his cock in your mouth.  Make him politely ask to be touched or for permission to touch you. You can also use him as your own pleasure toy while he is tied down. Why not try sitting on his face? ;)

Fun power play accessories usually involve some sort of sensory manipulation, such as Blindfolds. Blindfold him so he will have no idea what is coming next. This anticipation can be very arousing for both partners. You can also try some light feather ticklers or a super soft fox tickler all over his body, especially on the genitals to tease him.

If your partner is into pain play, you can try getting into some light spanking. There are also other sensation toys that can be used for both light pain as well as just a unique sensation, such as the Pinwheel and Japanese Drip Candles. Make sure you have plenty of open dialog with your partner, and get their consent BEFORE you even begin to engage in any pain power play.

Dominance is about being in control of the situation. Get creative while building up your sexual confidence to assert yourself in the bedroom (or wherever you choose to play). You are a sexy wildcat! Unleash your claws! ;)


About Lollie: Lollie is a Pure Pleasure employee and educator, kink advocate, and a redhead with a personality to match

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