With pornography's inaccurate depiction of anal sex as our culture's primary sex educator for backdoor loving, many people end up having painful first-time experiences, and never want to do it again because somebody shoved it in without proper care and preparation.
If you're dating an ass-centric person, they'll probably want to give you plenty of backdoor pleasure. A good way to tell if you're dating someone who is ass-centric is if they request "belfies", always want to have sex doggy style, or try repeatedly to touch your bumhole during playtime. Anal sex takes time, consideration, prep, and even aftercare, and if you are not getting a big "fuck yes, I want to have anal sex", then by all means, please listen to your inner voice and respect your self-care needs.
But (BUTT! Ugh, sorry), if you do want to experiment in the anal arena, here are a few important stepping stones to successful anal sex: Fingers (anal fingering) and tongue (rimming, salad tossing, analingus).
1. It shouldn't hurt. This is where lube comes in. ALWAYS ADD LUBE! The ass does not lubricate itself! It should basically just feel like you might need to poop. You don't! (I hope you don't.) Just relax your muscles, and breathe. If you feel actual pain, slow down, or stop what you are doing, add more lube, etc.
2. The person doing it should err on the shallow side. Everything that goes in should be "just the tip." The nerve endings you're trying to stimulate are in the anus — hence the moniker "rimming" — and not all the way up there, which is generally the painful part and also the part that makes you feel like you need to take a huge dump. Imagine it like a basketball hoop, and the ball should just be rolling around the rim of the basket, not actually making the basket.
3. There shouldn't be any rapid-fire movement immediately. Vigorous jamming of fingers (or anything really) anywhere should not happen immediately. So much of sex is fast — especially in porn — but anal play has to be prepped! If you're really into trying it out, we suggest an anal plug or an anal stimulating toy so your body will be more prepared for what lies ahead!
4. It's not dirty. Any sexologist can tell you that the anus and the lower part of the rectum actually have very little fecal material in them, which means it tends to not be nearly as dirty as you think!
5. It feels best when there's some additional stimulation going on. Vaginal, clitoral, penile stroking, nipple play — whichever feels best for you! While some only need butt play la carte, many can't come from anal stimulation alone. The anal part is something that's an accent as it adds to the overall experience. Incidentally, statistics show that women who have had anal sex report more frequent orgasms than those who haven't :) That being said ...
6. Make sure your partner doesn't use the same butt finger in the vagina afterward. Why do you think The Shocker exists? Necessity is the mother of invention. Wipes should be mandatory on every nightstand, and if that's not enough, try getting some finger cots.
7. If you try it a few times and hate it, don't keep trying it because you think it'll eventually be tolerable. Assuming you have a considerate lover who's invested in you feeling good, we believe you'd know within the first five times whether you like it or not. That being said, don't feel guilty if it doesn't feel right for you. Everyone is different, with unique likes and dislikes, and that's okay!
8. You don't need to get a wax. This is a common misconception. Waxing is all about preference. Some love it completely gone while others need their full bush all day everyday. The hair makes little to no difference in terms of cleanliness, hygiene or sensation.
Ultimately; Just do what feels right for you, boo-boo! And always feel free to come explore our Anal Pleasure section in our new location on Cooper St. Ask our staff any and all questions/ confide any fears or worries you may be experiencing! We are here for you!