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Best Positions for Orgasm During Partnered Sex

Posted by Amy Baldwin on

Amy asks:

When my boyfriend and I have sex I can only have an orgasm when I am on top of him (this is how is has always been, even with other guys). It seems like I have to have clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm. I would love to be able to have an orgasm with him in other positions. I am fully open to the idea of getting some kind of a toy to help out the situation but I would prefer try and do it without first. Are there any positions that you could recommend to me that would increase my chances of having an orgasm without me being on top of him? And if I do end up having to get a toy is there one that you could recommend to me? Thanks so much.

Dear Amy:

First thing's first...you have the most beautiful name I've ever heard! Seriously, it's Eargasm-worthy ;)

Now onto the important stuff. It sounds like you are one of the many millions upon millions of women who primarily orgasm from clitoral stimulation. With 8000 nerve endings (nearly twice as much as the penis!), the clitoris is one of the only parts of the human body designed specifically for pleasure. And it get's even better; there's more to the clitoris than that which is visually accessible to the naked eye. The clitoris has nerve endings that run along the anterior wall of the vaginal opening. So if you feel pleasure in these areas, it may be related to indirect clitoral stimulation.

In your case, it sounds like your orgasms primarily occur when your clit rubs against your partner's skin (and not from manual stimulation from you and/or your partner). Many woman find it easy to orgasm in this position because they have full control of the way they are being stimulated. One tilt of your pelvis and you can rub your clit against your partner's body as hard and fast as you please, making it a fantastic and powerful sexual position.

There are a number of other positions that allow for this same skin-on-skin clit rubbing. However, they generally involve your guy on top of you, making it more difficult for you to control the level of clitoral stimulation between your bodies. Here's a tip: When in missionary position (with your partner on top and facing you), ask him to tilt his hips forward and back with each thrust. Basically, you want him to rub his pubic bone in your direction along your clit. Communication will allow for more success in this position. Faster, slower, more or less pressure; let him know what feels good for you. You can also use your hands on his hips to actively lead his movements. Better yet, rock you pelvis against him with each thrust in a way that stimulates your clit.

If you're getting your orgasms via internal penetration, this may be from indirect clitoral stimulation on or around the tail of the clit. Is this the same as the G-spot, you ask? The jury is still out on this one, but there's a good chance it is. If you think you may be a g-spot kind-of-girl, try any position that allows for the head of your partner's member to put pressure on this area (i.e. up towards the anterior wall of the vagina, or towards your belly button). I suggest trying this with your man on top and facing you, with your legs straight up (or bent if that is more comfortable for you).

Also, manual stimulation of the clit may allow you to orgasm in just about any position. And if finger's just aren't making the cut, mini vibrators are fantastic for clitoral stimulation during playtime. The LayaSpot by Fun Factory is a great toy for partner play as it is compact and curved to fit between two bodies.

For more information, check out the book, "She Comes First" by Ian Kerner, Ph.D.. And if you are in the Santa Cruz area, make it a "date night" and bring your partner to one of our upcoming sex-ed classes.


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