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Difficulty achieving orgasm during intercourse

Posted by Amy Baldwin on

Ms.Kane asks:

Hi Amy,
I am a 26 year old women who CAN not have a orgasm with intercourse only with my messager and porn and i have to be alone how CAN i achieve with a man?

Dear Ms.Kane,

Many women have a difficult time achieving orgasm through intercourse. Most women also need clitoral stimulation from fingers, sex toys, or a little tongue action in order to have an orgasm with/without intercourse. You said you have had an orgasm before by incorporating a vibrator along with porn. Have you tried incorporating these when you are getting hot and heavy with your partner? If not, this might be something to consider. You may be surprised by the positive responses you may get when you express your desire to spice up your love life.

In terms of achieving orgasm solely from intercourse, this is something that is different for all women. Some women find breathing techniques helpful (such as fire breath). Some also find that by incorporating and/or acting out fantasies and using mental imagery can lead to orgasm. Communication between you and your partner (what feels good, what does not feel good, what you would like to try, what you want more of, etc) is always a great place to start. To learn more about these techniques, I would recommend checking out some literature on the topic. Becoming Orgasmic by Julia Heiman and Joseph LoPiccolo is a great book for women who have difficulty achieving orgasm, or even those who have never had an orgasm before. I would also check out Susan Crain Bakos’ book, The Orgasm Loop. This book is entirely on finding ways to reach orgasm during intercourse using the Orgasm Loop method. Bakos calls this method a “no-fail technique for reaching orgasm during sex”, and she combines various techniques such as visualizing your arousal, fire breath and kegel exercises.


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